Guest Post: How to Be a Badass

Today’s guest post is an excerpt from Wally X. Dammit’s book-in-progress, How to Be a Badass. Wally has what you might call a very direct style, and his writing usually (maybe always) contains profanity, so I’m putting this post behind a click-through and recommend it only for people who don’t mind a little rough language and plain talk.

Chapter One: Quit Whining and Just Be a Badass Already

You don’t need me to tell you how to be a badass. You already know how to be a badass, because being badass isn’t about thinking or knowing, it’s about doing shit. Being a badass means listening carefully to the voices inside you that caution you that things might get painful, or embarrassing, or difficult, or more than you can handle, then gently and respectfully telling yourself: “Shut the fuck up! I’m being a badass over here. No fucking comments from the fucking peanut gallery!”

Being a badass does not require courage. Courage is for sissies. Being a badass does not require skill, self-confidence, or learning. Being a badass requires looking at the single thing you wish you didn’t have to do, picking it up, and saying “Fuck this, I’m just going to do it. It’ll probably be painful AND embarrassing AND difficult, and there’s no way I’m up to it, but god damn it, I’m a fuckin’ badass, and I don’t need any fucking Swords of fucking Damocles and shit hanging over my head.

The courage comes later, after you realize that you already are a badass. Then some bullshit tries to dump itself on you and you say to the bullshit, “Fuck you, I’m a fucking badass! Bring it on, bitch!” And you take that bullshit down.

EXERCISE NUMBER ONE: Just Fucking Doing That Fucking Shit
I think this one pretty much explains itself, right? Stop reading the fucking book and go do some bullshit you’ve been avoiding. Right now, no kidding. It can be fighting a supervillain or cleaning the fucking cat box, I don’t care: just do it now. Don’t turn the page until you’ve done it. I’m not fucking kidding.